Navigating High Sensitivity: Embracing Boundaries for Empowerment

Are you a highly sensitive person who finds it challenging to set boundaries? You're not alone. As individuals with heightened sensitivity, we possess unique traits that both empower and hinder our ability to establish healthy boundaries. Let's delve into the characteristics that define Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) and explore how these traits influence our boundary-setting experience.

If you're a sensitive soul, you likely move through the world feeling greatly impacted by your surroundings. You may even feel like you're at the whim of whatever is occurring around you. Be it the weather, the decor, the behaviour of others, or the sounds of traffic in the background, you can feel the impact on your body, your mood, and the busyness of your thoughts.

Being an HSP, in many respects, is to lack a barrier between ourselves and the outside world. Which can leave us feeling raw, overwhelmed, or even out of control. This why it is so essential for HSPs to develop healthy boundaries with ourselves, our environments, and other people. It is also why it can be difficult task to achieve.

Understanding the Four Characteristics of Highly Sensitive People

According to Dr. Elaine Aron, HSPs exhibit four key characteristics: depth of processing, overstimulation, emotional responsiveness & empathy, and sensitivity to subtleties. These innate qualities present us with challenges and advantages, requiring us to embrace all aspects of ourselves as we navigate the complexities of setting boundaries.

Let's delve deeper into each trait and how they impact your boundaries.

Depth of Processing

Our brains, as HSPs, are wired to pause and reflect before making decisions. We often spend more time interpreting and integrating what we observe in our environments and in our internal world. Research has found that HSPs use parts of their brain associated with deeper information processing, especially on tasks that involve noticing subtleties, compared to neurotypical folks. 

While this meticulous processing supports us in making wise and calculated decisions, it can result in feelings of overwhelm when we are faced with rapid decision-making. As such, HSPs often struggle to set quick, in-the-moment boundaries.

Without time to pause and reflect on the situation (including our thoughts and feelings, the thoughts and feelings of the person making a requesting or crossing your boundary, and how we might communicate our boundary) many HSPs will not speak up right away or go along with things they are not comfortable with, only to discover later (once they've had to process) that they let someone else cross their boundary.

The good news is that HSPs are great at planning ahead! When HSPs have time to reflect on the boundary they'd like to set they are able to communicate their needs clearly and with compassion for the other person.

Overstimulation

Overstimulation, sometimes called overarousal, is a common struggle for HSPs that can manifest as anxiety, stress, or exhaustion. When we’re in a state of overstimulation and trying to set a boundary, it is more difficult to articulate our limits clearly and effectively. We may also make a harsh or aggressive boundary while frantically trying to regulate ourselves. 

On the flip side, overstimulation may be a sign that a boundary is needed to limit the amount of stimulation you’re exposed to in a day. While it is difficult to effectively set a boundary while in a state of overstimulation, reflecting on the experience once calm again could give you some important information about where you might need to establish a new boundary.

Emotional Responsiveness

While HSPs have the same range of emotions as everyone else, we tend to feel them more intensely. We feel deep joy, and gratitude, but we can also feel emotions like sadness more intensely as well. All the HSPs I’ve worked with have expressed intense feelings of guilt and fear when setting boundaries for the first time. Many have avoided setting boundaries to avoid feeling these emotions.

You may have noticed, however, that avoiding setting boundaries can lead to feeling some other uncomfortable emotions, such as anxiety, resentment, and anger. These emotions are often indicators that a boundary is needed. When you can respond to your emotions with mindfulness and compassion, and get curious about what information our emotions are trying to tell us, feeling things so intensely can actually give you all the information you need to create a happy, balanced life for yourself.

Empathy

HSPs have an amazing capacity for empathy because we have particularly active mirror neurons. Our brains pick up on the emotional state of the people around us, which allows for a deeper understanding of other people's experiences and instills a deep care for them.

Deeply understanding how someone feels about us setting a boundary with them makes it extremely challenging. Most HSPs don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or let someone else down, so saying "no" can sometimes feel like doing something "wrong" or "bad".

In reality, however, clear communication is actually kind. Rather than leaving others to guess how you truly feel or what you really wan, you can tell them! This kind of transparency and clarity can actually help other's feel safer in their relationship with you.

Sensitivity to Subtleties 

As HSPs, we often notice small details that other people miss. It’s one of the things that can lead us to overstimulation, but it also means we can savor or be deeply moved by what we see, smell, touch, or taste in our everyday lives.

Noticing all the intricate details in every interaction and conversation also means that when we do set a boundary with someone else, we'll pick up on the other person's reaction through their facial expression, body language, and more subtle meaning of their words. This can be a superpower when it comes to delivering disappointing news in a way that is both direct but compassionate and kind.

Tips For Setting Empowering Boundaries as a Highly Sensitive Person

Our innate traits as Highly Sensitive People can be a superpower, but they can make setting boundaries more challenging.

Here are a few tips to help you set healthy boundaries as an HSP:

• When possible, plan ahead: write out the boundary you’d like to set and how you’d like to communicate it. You could even practice saying it out loud. 
  

• But it’s never too late to set a boundary. You have the right to change your mind. So, if you leave a situation and realize you missed an opportunity to set a boundary, it’s okay to go back and set one later. Give yourself permission to process and revisit the conversation or situation. 
  

• Listen & learn from overwhelm: Feeling overwhelmed is often a sign you need to set a boundary. Take time to ground yourself before reflecting on what you can learn from the overwhelm or what boundary might need to be set.
  

• Pay attention to your emotions: They all give you information about your needs and where a boundary might help ensure your needs are met.
  

• Remind yourself that clarity is kind. If you communicate directly and with compassion to the other person, you're respecting their dignity and agency, while also respecting your own.
  

• Separate your emotions from others’ emotions: Work on finding the balance between compassion for others and over-identifying with (aka getting swept away in) their feelings. Don't forget, you're only responsible for regulating and responding to your own emotions. Other people are responsible for processing theirs.

Build Your Boundaries

If you're struggling to set boundaries as a Highly Sensitive Social Worker (or other type of helper or healer), consider joining my signature program, "Boundaries for Burnout Prevention: Essential Skills for Highly Sensitive Social Workers." This 6-module course empowers you to establish boundaries that honour your sensitivity and promote overall well-being. If you want to seize this opportunity to prioritize your emotional health and join us on this transformative journey, you can sign up right here. 

Together, let's embrace our sensitivity, navigate boundaries with confidence, and cultivate a life that honours our unique traits. Join us in creating a supportive community where sensitivity is celebrated, and boundaries are respected. Sign up today to embark on a path toward empowerment and self-discovery.